Right now I’m at what you would call a crossroads in my life. And by crossroads I mean I have about 20 different directions to choose from and I’m not sure what the right one is. I feel sort of lost. Almost all of the things that I previously counted as constant no longer are, and things that I once looked forward to are now lost by the wayside.
I had all of these expectations for my life when I graduated high school. I would go off to college, and have this amazing time with great friends and join all sorts of clubs and graduate with my teaching certificate as well as a BA in English Literature. Then I would find a job and start my life and somewhere along the way fall in love.
Queue life changing event: DEPRESSION!
Pretty much all of those plans got derailed. I fell into a very dark place and became so unhappy that I thought I would never be happy again. And it lasted for months. And it was not fun. At some point around the beginning of my Sophomore year at NMSU I began to realize that I wasn’t happy. That I probably hadn’t been happy for a while. All of this time I had been doing what was expected of me, but that wasn’t really what I wanted. Because it was expected of me though, I kept going until it broke something inside of me, and I understood that I could no longer be in that place, taking those classes, and living that life without being mildly unhappy and unsure for the rest of my life.
The one thing that pulled me out of it was my Yeti. (Vlog Brothers – go watch their videos on YouTube. The Yeti reference will then make sense, and they are full of awesomeness.) The Yeti told me that he loved me no matter what, that he would be there to support my decisions and help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. That we would figure our lives out together, and everything would be o.k..
For now I am happy with my life. I go to work, I hang out with my roommates and their friends on occasion, and I write. I have realized that the plan that has been set forth by society in regards for how my life is or was supposed to go is irrelevant. It is my plan that matters. And while it isn’t fully formed yet when I do pick a direction it will be the one that is right for me, not one that someone else has decided for me. If someone doesn’t like that then they can shove off.
In parting my lovelies, remember that this is your life to live, so live it how you want to, in any way that makes you happy. Except for skydiving. Don’t go skydiving. Jumping out of a perfectly good plane is never ever under any circumstances acceptable.